


What I deserve

by XxRainbowHeartxX



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Allison Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Angst, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Blood, Blood and Injury, Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Manipulation, Injury, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Luther Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Major Character Injury, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Vanya Hargreeves-centric, they all need hugs tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22594441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxRainbowHeartxX/pseuds/XxRainbowHeartxX
Summary: What if things went differently and Vanya snaps out of her shock while in that bath tub. She convinces leonard to leave and then uses this time to send out one last goodbye to her Broken family.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves & Everyone
Comments: 25
Kudos: 678





	What I deserve

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for this.

The water around her had grown cold and red with the blood of the person she called ‘Sister’. Everything came back to her in pieces, her senses slowly returning in broken fragments. Haunting pleads followed by the trigger words for Allison’s power. The gush of blood pouring and not stopping. Watching the life fade from her sister's eyes.

Vanya suppressed a shudder, her gaze finally leaving the wall to lock onto Leonard’s hands. She recalled those same hands dragging her away. They stopped her from saving her own sister from death. It was as much his fault as it was hers. Vanya could feel the blood in her veins turn the same ice cold as the surrounding water.

“You should go.” her voice was soft, but still echoed through the silence of the bathroom. Leonard lowered his hand, the bloody washcloth still clenched in his fist. 

“What do you mean, Vanya?”

She shifted slightly, pressing her body to the opposite side of the tub on instinct. “You said they’d come for me.” She paused, eyes flickering to his. “You should go get supplies from the store so we can run away from this place.”

Leonard watched with his single brown eye, silently taking her in. Ever so slowly his mouth curled into a grin. “Of course I will, Vanya. Right after I finish cle-”

“No.” She cut him off sharply, startling him. A bottle on a shelf behind him fell, clattering to the floor with a loud echoing sound. Her voice lowered back down into its calm tone. “I can finish. But we can’t stay here long and risk it.” The lies tasted like ash on her tongue, but she was too numb to care. Carefully, she reached out and grabbed the cloth from his grip. “Go.”

Ever so slowly, he nodded. Standing from his crouched position, he made off for the door. “Get cleaned up and be ready to leave. I'll be back as soon as possible.”

The door closed with a sharp click, and she listened closely as his voice trailed around the room. It wasn’t long before the front door shut with a click and his car starting up echoed to the bathroom. 

She lifted her hands, the wash cloth clenched in her grip. She brought it up to her neck, scrubbing harshly at the blood that had crusted there. Emotion welled up in here and she let out a harsh sob.

Across the room, the mirror shattered. 

Vanya jumped, sending bloody water sloshing over the side of the tub. The sight of it was enough to make her gag. Everything was finally catching up to her and she felt overwhelmed with emotion. That had never happened before, and it scared her. Vanya stood up fast, stepping out of the water and shuffling over to the counter. 

She had just enough energy to slip her shirt and underwear on and then she was wandering off.

The door was opened hard enough for the handle to slam into the wall and rattle it in it’s frame. Vanya’s shoulder slammed into the doorframe and she barely flinched. Despite the raging emotions she felt, everything felt numb at the same time. Her body was moving on autopilot as she made it down the staircase. Her mind screamed at her, telling her she didn’t deserve to know the truth. 

Making it downstairs and to the phone took no time at all and felt like forever at the same time. 

With trembling bloody hands, she dialed a number that had been ingrained into her mind since childhood. The dial tone rang loudly in the empty house. She grew impatient as it continued to ring, and just as it got to the last one she almost gave up. 

“Hello?”

The voice that answered was crisp and sharp, demeaning in every sense of the word. It was familiar to her and it was enough to make the tears well up in her eyes.

“...Diego.” 

There was a sharp inhale from his side, and then he was muttering ‘hold on’ under his breath. It still picked up and she froze. A beep transferred from his side and then-

“Vanya? Where are you ? Are you alright? Are you trapped in a psycho house, because we-”

Klaus

“Stop talking, and maybe she could answer.”

Five

“Both of you stop. Vanya, where are you?”

Luther

They were all there. All but one. That was her fault, her mind made sure she never forgot that fact. The blood on her hands would never go away. By the sounds of her sibling’s voices they were worried and confused, but they shouldn’t be. Not after what she did. 

Vanya felt her newfound emotions well up and she couldn't stop the sob from escaping her as hot tears finally rolled down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to… I didn't mean to kill Allison. It was an accident. We were arguing and I lost control of my powers.” Their voices overlapped, loud and trying to cut her off with their own answers but she couldn't stop the ramble of words. She had to explain before Leonard got back. “I'm so sorry…”

All the words left her and she dissolved into a fit of sobs. Everything her siblings said we're just a jumble of noise until one phrase stood out from the rest.

“Allison isn’t dead.”

Her sobs stopped with a choked breath. “She isn’t?”

The others on the line got quiet. Luther spoke up next, breaking that short silence. “No. We got to her in time and we saved her. She’ll be okay.” Vanya practically folded in relief, her breath leaving her in one sharp blow. 

Diego cut in “You said you have powers? Since when.”

The talking picked back up, but Vanya was fading fast. Everything seemed to disappear as the words ‘Allison isn’t dead’ ran through her head. “She’s alive… Please, tell her I love her... And that I'm sorry for everything.”

Five cut her off, but his voice was soft and unscathing. “She can hear you. She’s awake.”

Klaus jumped in excitedly. “Yeah! She says she doesn't blame you and that she wants to see you.”

“No.” For the second time that day, she snapped. “I can’t anymore… I can’t keep going on like this. I'm too dangerous and I can't control this… I almost killed my own sister.” she paused, an idea etching itself into her mind. “I'm better off gone.”

“Vanya. You better not be talking about what I think you are.” Diego’s words were laced with worry and a warning. The hatred she came to associate with his voice was missing. 

“I can’t... Not after what I did... What I can still do.”

“Vanya, don't you dare.” It seems Five figured it out too, but she wasn’t too surprised about that.

“It’s the only way.’

“Just come home. We can deal with it together. Please vanya, don't.” Klaus’ voice was heavy with tears. The joyful part of him was gone, hidden away due to the current events. 

“I may not understand what's going on, but you need to come home. Now. We have to deal with this face to face.” Luther was as oblivious as ever. There was a hidden bitterness in his voice, no doubt angry with her for what she did to the one person he loved.

“I'm sorry. I love you all so much.’ Vanya took a deep and shaky breath.“ And despite everything that’s happened between us, that has never changed.”

Their voices once again overlapped, but she missed it as she hung the phone back on its receiver.

The house descended back into silence.

She stood for a moment, hand wrapped around the phone and staring blankly at the wall. Numbly, Vanya made her way back up the bathroom. She stood silently in the doorway, gaze trained on the bloody bath water. Her dull eyes trailed over to the broken pieces of mirror scattered on the floor.

Vanya shuffled forward, ignoring the sting of glass slicing through her bare feet. Kneeling down in the shards and staring back at her own face, still coated in her sisters blood, she made her final decision. Picking the largest jagged chunk of glass she could find, Vanya turned back towards the tub.

Ignoring the fact she had clothes on and the fact that the water was still tinted with her sister’s blood, she climbed in and sunk down into it.

Sending out one last silent plea for forgiveness, she placed the sharper end of the glass to her arm and dragged down to her inner elbow. She could hear her own breath pick up, echoing in the silence of the bathroom. It took her a few moments of sitting there to move again.

She barely had the strength to do the same to the other side. But when it was done, she half-heartedly tossed the glass out of the tub. It landed with a dull clatter that she barely registered.

She lay there, gaze locked on the ceiling for what felt like hours. She was fading fast, but everything was going in slow motion.

Just as the black took over her vision fully, she heard a door slam and something break downstairs. Voices called out her name. 

Her siblings.

But they were too late. Just as the bathroom door cracked open, she gave in to the dark.

With a sharp breathe, she jolted forward and-

She was still in the bathroom of Leonard’s house. But she wasn't in the tub. 

Instead she was standing in the corner across the room. Diego was shouting, trying to pull her lifeless body from the water. Five was pacing back and forth, his eyes welled up with tears. Klaus stood in the middle of the room, tears rolling down his face. His hands were threaded in his hair as he cried for her.

Standing by the door with a grim face was Luther, and in his arms was...

Allison. She was turned into him, sobbing silently.

Vanya felt a shock of guilt, knowing It was her fault that her sister could no longer make noise.

She was confused as to what was happening, but as she surveyed the room she noticed someone she hadn't before.

Crouched at the end of the tub, hands over his mouth and tears in his eyes, was Ben.

Vanya understood then, and her gaze flickered over to her medium of a brother.

“Klaus”

Said boy whipped around fast, his hands dropping to his face. As he looked at her, his face crumbled. “No… no no no, not you too.”

Behind him, Ben stood and took a hesitant step forward. “Vanya?”

She gave him a sad smile “Hey Ben.”

Her ghostly brother moved fast, practically flying across the room. Without pause, he slammed into her in a strong embrace.

She felt nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to leave any corrections you see that need to be done. Any feedback is welcomed and appreciated.


End file.
